An officemate of mine sent us a copy of her friend's essay, a former ICAn as well.  It was perfect timing as I needed that wake-up call, something that would hit my head to wake up.  "OUCH!" was all I can say as it hit me hard.

A leap of faith... a phrase I've heard so many times.  It was the first lesson in our first Philo class.  I thought I've already grasp its true meaning but apparently, I didn't.  "Not too careless, but not too careful either..." says the coach of the Mighty Ducks 3 movie.  I've been to careful that I was afraid of moving. (I'm not talking about my driving as I almost hit 2 cars today on my way back from the dentist.  No one's really going to admit that it was their fault when situations like these happen, so it is not my fault but theirs hehe)  Opportunities might have circled around me once or twice but I probably chose to ignore them.  And yet I complain that my life and my job is getting kinda boring. 

A leap of faith... an action.  I admire those who have the courage to take this action.  I wonder if I have taken this leap for at least once in my life... big question mark (?) It seems like I haven't.  I have been looking forward to the future, but I'm also scared of what lies ahead. 

A leap of faith... When will I give myself a chance to take this leap?  When will I have the courage?

I hope she doesn't mind if I post her essay along with my entry.  My entry this time seems long, my apologies.

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A Leap of Faith Stephanie Coyiuto Sunday, March 13, 2005

December marks the end of a year and the culmination to many of our plans; January signals new beginnings and hope. The months in between are exactly that – in-between periods of waiting and working that at times seem to pale in significance compared to the flurry of activity during the holiday season. This is how it has always been, and how it will always be. For most everyone, that is. Students are in a special way exempt from this course of nature. It has been said that the best years of one's life are those spent in school. I hope this isn't true, for if it is, then the best years of my life are for the most part over. But it is true that schools often act as shields or fortresses, steadfastly protecting its own from the dangers and insecurities of the outside world. As students' lives naturally revolve around school, a shift in their end-of-year perception occurs. The New Year comes when summer begins. Summers are magical periods of fun and relaxation, true. But more than the trips to the beach and catching up with old friends, it is also a time of introspection. Be it new notebooks, uniforms, classmates, teachers, courses, or even new schools – summer breathes new life into each student and gives each one the opportunity for a fresh start the following year. As for the fresh graduate, a whole new world opens. And when this does, it is often as confusing as it is thrilling. It's been almost a year since the day I handed in my last exam and ran around campus shouting for joy like a madman. It was euphoria for weeks on end. But when time came for me to decide on what path I was next to take, reality came crashing down and I began to long for the days when everything was safe and sure, and when choice and responsibility were words which meanings I had yet to understand. This was when it hit me. Though I had thought otherwise, I wasn't really prepared for change. On my resume, I had then written that I was "flexible and adaptive to changes as required to balance a demanding schedule of academic and extracurricular activities." I wanted to cross this out and call all those I had submitted this to, for who was I kidding? I was still scared of what was out there. Flexibility and adaptability were probably not the best words to capture me in entirety. Thus it was in no way easy for me to make the decision which led to my being in a foreign place. Today, as I watch and listen to the ramblings of the soon-to-be graduates, I can't help but smile at how familiar it all is. When friends ask me how I eventually made my decision, I can give no comprehensible answer except for, "it was a leap of faith." And possibly, the gradual realization that the old adage that "Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore" holds more truth than given credit for. Whether it's finding a new job, falling in love, making a new friend, saying sorry to an old one, or changing an aspect of one's character – today or at the turning point of one's life, an action that involves the possibility of being hurt is never easy to make. But for us to grow, discover, and reach the fulfillment of our dreams, it is never enough to stay forever as we are today. And it is ironic that after all these years of having a slight aversion to television, I get this wisdom from watching high-school boy Ephram Brown on the Warner Bros.' Show surprisingly wise-beyond-its-years show Everwood. *** "The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change. I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still...It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected...Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone...Except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they look at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever...that you'll never have to change again."

Okay... apparently I wasn't checking my blog (and my friends' blogs) for the past month, and i found something in Tanya's blog posted last April 3, 2006  

Rules:
List seven (7) songs you're into right now. No matter what the genre, whether (or not) they have words, or even if they're any good, they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs, then tag seven ther people to see what they're listening to.

My songs!

1. I Believe In You - Jed Madela
2. Be My World - Milky
3. Beep - Pussycat Dolls
4. Dahil Ikaw - True Faith (hahaha jologs ba?)
5. High - The Speaks 
6. You Ni Zhen Hao - Rainie Yang and Fan Wei Qi
7. Right Next To Me - Jed Madela

SEVEN PEOPLE I CHOOSE TO TAG:

1. Ian
2. Mic
3. Lainey
4. Kathleen
5. Tanya
6. Daph
7. Enzo

"They say no one's really truly happy in this world... There's a doctor who dreamed of becoming a singer... a lawyer who wanted to be an artist... a janitor who couldn't be an actor... a mother who couldn't become a diplomat... a pilot who couldn't marry his true love... Life doesn't always turn out the way you expect it to be.. But you still have to live it... If that's the case, shouldn't we try to be happy?"
-- Quoted from Korean Drama "Wonderful Life"

That's the way life goes... we all start with a plan... what i realize now is that i never set a clear direction for my life... I've always been contented with having this vague vision which apparently wasn't the right way to go... Now I'm stuck in that vagueness... I have an end goal, problem is how do i get there?  I'm not even sure how as I haven't defined my ultimate goal... I have dreams (who doesn't?), but what is it that I truly want?  I find myself truly unsatisfied with the way things are going... I wanted to become something more, someone greater than what I am now... I am stuck at an office, just waiting for the time that I can finally get out... I knew that from the very beginning... Should I try to be happy? sure! But why should I?  Why should I stop and just accept it and be happy with it?  When I know that I can still do something to change my life...  But where do I start?  I'm only 22 and yet my life frustration level is increasing everyday...   

I'm a wanderer who can't travel... A tourist with no direction... a hopeless romantic who can't find love...  A possible artist who's stuck in an office...

Back to studying for my LOMA exam... this is another reason for all my frustations :)  Can't do anything about it now but to study what I can :)

4, 5 months of no activity or update... It's amazing blogdrive hadn't closed my blog yet hehe As Tanya said, "may cobwebs na ang blog mo" hehe (and yes Ian, nabuhay ako and sana mas madalas na ako maka-update) 

Reason why? :) I can give lots of reasons but it'll just boil down to one, actually two, major things... LAZINESS and NO EXCITEMENT :) What happened since December?  I'll start from the most recent events and go back slowly :) hopefully I'll remember stuff as I write more entries :)

Lots of things happen at work, so I guess I'll start there... Just a little warning, this may be a little boring, as I also tend to get bored with work at times

• I was moved to a different department - I used to be part of the Chinese Market Department, now I'm part of the Institutional Marketing Department.  It was a pretty good move as I now handle insurance brokers.  They are easier to deal and tasks are a little more challenging. :)
• I will be having my LOMA exam (don't ask what LOMA means coz I can't answer that too, all i know is that the LO mean Life Office something something) on May 8.  Basically, I have to study a whole book on Life Insurance and pass the exam.  If I fail, I'll have to pay around $70 for it.  So I have to pass pass pass!!!  We already had a mock exam on the same topic, so it should be no problem right??? Guess again, I'm a certified crammer ever since, so even during the mock, I wasn't able to study the whole book, just a couple of chapters.  So I still have to read the book... grrr! I've been putting it off for weeks and I'm still lazy now.  But I really need the discipline to study.
• Something I am really looking forward to... BORACAY!!! Not related with work... My officemates and I decided to avail of the Cebu Pacific promo: P10 airfare.  On the very first morning of that promo, we seemed busy, we looked harassed... It was all because we are trying to book the flight hehehe

That's it for now... still have to warm up hehe :)

It's been awhile since I last updated my blog... I'm stating the obvious... and so, one of my projects for this labor day weekend... Reconstruct and Revive my blog!  I'll try posting new entries and fix the layout of this site